The Eurovision Song Contest is nearly upon us, so I have taken the bullet for you and watched videos of all of this year’s entries on the BBC Eurovision website. If you visit the site, do take a look at some of the breathtakingly sincere contestant biographies – for example this gem from Russia.

If you want detail and musical insight, Jon Jacob has reviewed the songs much more thoroughly than I have – I’m going to limit myself to a sentence or two for each. (For some even shorter comments, see Mike’s tweet-splurge.) I’ll also try to avoid commenting on the videos as we’d be here all night (some of them deserve posts of their own), but it’s hard not to let my view of the songs be swayed by them.

By way of introduction, I should add that, in this hyperconnected modern world, it’s possible that at least one of the entrants might Google for themselves and end up on this page only to find me being less than positive, so: if you catch me being mean about your song, don’t take offence – everyone else in Europe might like it.

I apologise in advance for my limited critiquing vocabulary, which will likely result in the overuse of some words and phrases, in particular: catchy, OK, nothing special, fun, dull, enough, Europop, forgettable, key change, better than X’s usual standard.

The Good
The songs that caught my eye, in alphabetical order:

• Estonia – Some nice strings, effective backing vocals and a strong rhythm drive this atmospheric track. A dark horse. (10th favourite on Betfair.)
• Germany – Germany goes swing and ends up with their best Eurovision song in goodness knows how long. Not a fan of the silly bit in the middle, but there’s a key change!
• Greece – What’s this? Sakis Rouvas is back! 2004’s third placed Greek entrant (he was robbed) and 2006 co-host is once again representing Greece. It’s a fairly standard dancy pop track – I prefer Shake It from five years ago – but not worse for it. Could be in with a chance (and it’s the 2nd favourite on Betfair).
• Hungary – Sakis is given a run for his money by Hungary’s own dancy pop from Zoli Ádok, which is a little catchier (although possibly only because the version on the BBC site was about a minute longer than it’s allowed to be on the night). Oh, I know I said I wouldn’t comment on videos but Hungary’s is the campest of the lot.
• Norway – Habitual Eurovision failures attempt to claw back some credibility with a child-faced male Norwegian Vanessa Mae. Alexander Rybak wrote the theme tune and sings the theme tune and I can see it getting lots of actual points. (Bookies’ favourite on Betfair.)
• Slovenia – More strings, with Quartissimo – a string quartet Il Divo – centre stage with Martina Majerle. It may be a bit of a gimmick but when did that ever cost you votes at Eurovision?
• Sweden – You will see further down that I diss pop opera when Bulgaria did it, but Malena Ernman kind of pulls it off. Will be interesting if it catches the imagination of the audience, ‘cos if it does… (8th on Betfair.)
• Ukraine – And nestling away in the penultimate position was this pleasant surprise. A fresh sounding production for a strong song. (5th on Betfair.)

Also worth a mention here are Belgium (with a traditional Belgian Rockabilly track that’s strangely endearing), Croatia (pretty good, as sweeping Eurovision ballads go), Ireland (girl guitar pop delivers Ireland’s first decent song in years), Montenegro (unexpectedly upbeat, energetic and fun), and Spain (another nation’s strongest song in some years, La Noche es Para Mi is a down-the-line euro dance thing so there’s something stiff competition for the down-the-line euro dance thing bloc)

The Bad
The trend for there to be relatively few abysmal entrants continues (disappointly). Nevertheless, there are some:

• Czech Republic – First (and only?) properly off the wall act of the year. Alas, can’t see this having any success.
• Denmark – Denmark’s answer to Ronan Keating turns in a song that’s only slightly more interesting than your average Ronan Keating track. (The correct answer to Ronan Keating is “Sorry, there’s no-one here at the moment.”) And after making that observation, I learnt from Jon Jacob’s blog that this song was actually co-written by Ronan Keating. That. Explains. Everything.
• Netherlands – OK, so whose idea was it to squeeze some permatanned middle-aged men who seem strangely familiar but who you know you’ve never seen before into white suits and give them a silly light ray special effect on their hands? And let them record a song? And then put Obama in the video? Sheesh.
• Serbia – I think there may have been an administrative mix-up. The Serbian entry appears to be a Two Ronnies sketch. (OK, it’s not that bad, but this section would be quite threadbare without it.)

The Boring
Some songs don’t particularly have anything wrong with them, but you still want them to be over please:

• Bulgaria – I am not, in turns out, a fan of pop opera. Sorry, Bulgaria. I’m as disappointed as you are.
• Israel – Just as you thought we might be spared Eurovision’s traditional outbreak of lyrical peace, love and understanding, Israel saves the day. All very worthy but I’ll be checking my watch for the next act with sequins.
• Lithuania – Oh, it’s another worthy ballad. Next.
• FYR Macedonia – Macedonia’s Bon Jovi fail to grab the attention with their dreary rock song.
• Poland – My lazy comparison for Poland’s Lidia Kopania is Christina Aguilera. Dull ballad.
• Portugal – Nice to see the band enjoying themselves. I wish I could say the same for myself. Still, nice to see an accordion out in public.
• United Kingdom – The moment you’ve all been waiting for, where I try to be polite about the UK entry. It’s not dreadful. The afraid of/made of couplet is probably the best bit. But while Jade Ewen puts in a good performance, it’s rather shrill, all a bit one note (despite there being lots of notes in it) and, yeah, a bit dull. (6th on Betfair.)

The Rest
The rest were neither particularly good, nor particularly bad, not dull enough to be in the third group. Here are comments on a few:

• Albania – Catchy enough, although the lyrics are pretty bland. Better than Albania’s usual standard.
• Armenia – Starts well (is this what eastern European dance music is like?) before descending into cliched “everybody move your body” fare.
• Azerbaijan – Very Europop. Catchy and not the first with a Shakira vibe, but ultimately forgettable. (But don’t take my word for it: it’s the 4th favourite on Betfair.)
• Bosnia & Herzegovina – Nice little song that repeatedly hints that it’s going to take off into something great but never quite does. (Tipped by Popbitch to give Norway a run for its money, it’s 9th on Betfair.)
• Finland – Self-proclaimed 1990s style dance pop. Which is just what the world needs more of. Does what is claims.
• France – After surprising the world with a very good entry last year, France have returned to safe territory with this ballad. Still better than many of their entrants, with a Patricia Kaas giving it a bit of Piaf.
• Iceland – Sweet and nicely performed but unremarkable. Best they don’t win anyway – could they afford to host it?
• Moldova – It’s bouncy, I guess. I admit that I was starting to flag at this point. I imagine this song (“Dance of Moldova”) will have some Moldovan dancing on the night. (You can have that prediction for free.)
• Russia – Unfortunately named singer Nastya apparently won Russia “Star Factory” competition, one of several reality TV graduates in this year’s Eurovision. It’s a plague. It’s certainly more catching than this song which demonstrates only intermittent virulence in the chorus, but not for lack of effort from Nastya.
• Slovakia – Nice enough little duet with more of the increasingly popular string backing and a dutifully include key change.
• Turkey – A typically competent entry from Turkey but I suspect this won’t achieve much. (I expect to have egg on face for saying that as it’s 3rd on Betfair and I’ve seen much more positive comments about it.)

So who’ll win? While I’ve based my comments on the videos, much of what happens on the nights (the semi-finals are on May 12th and 14th; the final is on the 16th) will depend on whether the performers do the songs justice and the spectacle of the performances, which can make a song memorable amongst a crowded field. I hope it’s not stating the obvious to say the outcome of the final will also depends on who gets through from the semis: will there be one big dance number for votes to coalesce around, or will they be made to split between lots of similar songs?

That said, Norway must be the favourite, and this is why:

The BBC has just revealed that the identity of the actor who will succeed David Tennant will be announced tomorrow evening.

They will appear in tomorrow’s episode of Doctor Who Confidential – on BBC One at 5.35pm – giving their reaction to being cast.

The full story is on the BBC News website. Tomorrow evening also sees the latest Lloyd Webber reality TV contest start on BBC One. Eurovision: Your Country Needs You is the X-Factorisation of A Song for Europe.

Update: Matt Smith is the Doctor!

It’s that time again: tonight is the final of the 2008 Eurovision Song Contest.

I missed both semi-finals and haven’t had time to listen to the contenders, so I’ll be watching tonight (at the local LibDems’ annual Eurovision party) with an open mind.

One of my two predictions for the contest has already come true: Ireland’s abysmal entry by Dustin the Turkey was knocked out in its semi-final. My other prediction is to disagree with the BBC’s tiny and unrepresentative Eurovision panel that Sweden will win. Although Charlotte Perrelli has won before, her entry this year, Hero is – based on the short clip I’ve heard – nowhere near as good as her 1999 winner Take Me to Your Heaven.

In lieu of my usual reviews, you can get a rundown of tonight’s songs from Liberal Revolution, and a quick guide from Mike.

I’ll probably live Twitter the show. You can find what will no doubt be pearls of wisdom (“What *is* she wearing?!” will be par for the course) at twitter.com/willhowells or by texting follow willhowells to 07624 801423.

It’s Eurovision time again – hurrah!

This May there will be not one but two semi-finals – that’s three Eurovision TV shows in one week. My my. The UK, of course, goes straight through to the final, regardless of how badly we did last year.

But before we can do that, we need a song, and tonight’s the night we get to decide who will represent us in Serbia. Not for the first time, I won’t have a chance to vote in the selection, but it’s a sacrifice I’m prepared to make.

Once again, the singers include a healthy share of has-beens, but this year reality TV shows are represented in even more abundance than before – and the format positively encourages it.

There are six contestants, divided into three pairs: solo acts, groups, and, ahem, Joseph versus Maria. A studio jury, headed by Terry Wogan, will choose one act from each pairing to face the public phone vote, along with one of the remaining three. Then, in a second show tonight, the two acts receiving the highest share of the vote will sing again before one of them is chosen as our entry, again by public vote.

So who are these audacious songsters?

The solo acts are X-Factor loser Andy Abraham with the passable Even If and former EastEnder Michelle Gayle with Woo (U Got Me). Michelle Gayle has had the most previous success of all the acts, although the only time I’ve seen her was a couple of years ago and she was doing a PA in a club in Blackpool.

Even If is pleasant enough background music, but there’s nothing special about it (a statement that can be applied to most of the entrants). Woo (U Got Me), as it’s slightly silly name suggests, is more fun and, were I part of Terry’s team, I’d probably put it through ahead of Even If.

The two groups acts are both all girl groups. LoveShy (they didn’t learn from Hear’Say, did they?) have a reality TV provenance, but I’m not familiar with them so I’ll let Pop Unlimited explain:

Popstars: The Rivals rejects Emma Beard and Aimee Kearsley still haven’t taken the hint. Refugees from Clea, who miraculously managed to release three albums, the new duo LoveShy are in the running with Mr Gorgeous. […] I’m not sure they’ll really cut it live.

The other group is trio The Revelations with a track called It’s You. Group member Annika is from Sweden, which can only help.

Mr Gorgeous is, to my surprise, quite catchy, contemporary pop with something of a Girls Aloud sound. It’s You has a very sixties feel to it, which apparently is the group’s style. Either could probably be an OK Eurovision entrant.

Which leaves us with Any Dream Will Do failure Rob McVeigh with I Owe It All To You and How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? failure Simona Armstrong with Changes.

I Owe It All To You begins like a million Shayne Ward/Westlife/Steve Brookstein written-for-male-reality-TV-show-winner snoozefests (that’s an actual genre). It comes slighly to life about 60% of the way in, but that’s one-and-a-half minutes too late. Missed opportunity for a Eurovision key change towards the end too.

Changes is marginally better but nothing exciting. I’d probably choose it ahead of IOWATY, but I wouldn’t let either of these anywhere near Belgrade. My only advice to voters: pick one of the other four.

You can listen to clips of all six songs on the BBC’s Eurovision website. Eurovision: Your Decision, with Sir Terry Wogan and Sir Claudia Winkleman, is at 7pm tonight, with the results show at 9.30pm. Happy voting!