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Why I won’t employ The Bangles: an analysis of Manic Monday Jun 20

On paper, the job application from The Bangles seemed promising. They met the key selection criteria, they seem passionate, and they clearly work well as a team.

But then we have to take into account the lyrics of their 1986 Top Ten hit “Manic Monday” and things fall apart.

Six o’clock already
I was just in the middle of a dream
I was kissin’ Valentino
By a crystal blue Italian stream

This is less a criticism and more a pre-emptive warning: this is not the kind of chat we want to hear around the water cooler. Feel free to share your intimate dreams with millions via easy listening radio stations, but not, please, with your colleagues.

But I can’t be late
‘Cause then I guess I just won’t get paid

No, you absolutely shouldn’t be late, but we can’t help thinking you’re throwing shade on your employers here. If you’re paid by the hour, being late may have an impact but it’s unfair to imply you wouldn’t be paid at all. The best thing to do if it’s feasible would be to stay a little later at the end of the day – then everyone’s happy.

These are the days
When you wish your bed was already made

We all love a freshly made bed but if you’re choosing rearranging your duvet over getting to work on time, it suggests an inability to prioritise.

It’s just another manic Monday
I wish it were Sunday
‘Cause that’s my fun day
My I don’t have to run day
It’s just another manic Monday

If you allow enough time on a Monday morning, you won’t need to run. Fail to plan: plan to fail.

Have to catch an early train
Got to be to work by nine

This is not an unreasonable requirement and most of your colleagues achieve it without breaking a sweat.

And if I had an aeroplane
I still couldn’t make it on time

If anything, commuting by plane would take longer, considering the requirements of check-in and security and connections to and from the airport. Unless you work for an airline.

‘Cause it takes me so long just to figure out what I’m gonna wear

Pro tip: choose your outfit the night before.

Blame it on the train
But the boss is already there

You’re unlucky if your boss lives on the same train line as you but lies will be found out regardless. We value honesty and would rather you told the truth and made up the time.

It’s just another manic Monday
I wish it was Sunday
‘Cause that’s my fun day
My I don’t have to run day
It’s just another manic Monday

You might like to consider whether you’re trying to pack too much in to your Monday. Could some of your activities be moved to later in the week?

All of the nights
Why did my lover have to pick last night
To get down?

Again, please don’t share the details of your love life in the office. This should be the subject of innuendo and gossip from your co-workers and they can’t have that pleasure if you’re all upfront about it.

Doesn’t it matter
That I have to feed the both of us
Employment’s down

We appreciate that it’s a recruiters’ market at present but that’s all the more reason to think about what you’re saying in public. You’re not the only applicants and, all other things being equal, we’re more likely to opt for the candidate who hasn’t recorded a song about their lack of punctuality.

He tells me in his bedroom voice
‘C’mon honey, let’s go make some noise’

We do not need to know this.

Time it goes so fast

It’s an interesting conceit although Einstein’s special theory of relativity indicates that when you’re travelling to and from work, time is actually passing at a marginally slower rate.

It’s just another manic Monday
I wish it was Sunday
‘Cause that’s my fun day
My I don’t have to run day

You might actually find that running at the weekend lowers your stress levels and keeps you fit and healthy, ready to tackle the working week.

It’s just another manic Monday
I wish it was Sunday
‘Cause that’s my fun day

Oh, hang on. Sunday is your “fun day”?

It’s just a manic Monday

You’re hungover, aren’t you?

I’m sorry but on this occasion we’re not able to offer you the position.

Constructive feedback: next time write your application yourself rather than getting Prince to write it for you.

Category: Music
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