Yesterday I tuned into Hansard – via the ever-useful TheyWorkForYou.com – to read the maiden speech by new Lib Dem MP Stephen Gilbert. It was very good and you can read it too. All fine so far.

I made the mistake of carrying on reading. The next speaker was the Labour MP for Stirling, Anne McGuire. She began:

I congratulate all Members who have delivered their maiden speeches. I was going to say that my contribution would be an older maiden speech, but one of those adjectives would not quite be appropriate. I shall now launch forward while leaving Members to work out the meaning of that remark.

Please send the mind bleach.

So David Davis, in wasting thousands of pounds of taxpayers money in a farce of a by-election, has answered my question. Sadly, his answer is exceedingly pedestrian. It’s revealed in the Treasury press release that announced his appointment to the Chiltern Hundreds:

The Chancellor of the Exchequer has today appointed the Right Honourable David Michael Davis to be Steward and Bailiff of the Three Hundreds of Chiltern. The Chancellor has also granted Mr Davis’s request to be released from this appointment today.

For the first time in many years, no-one is Stewarding or, er, Bailiffing the hundreds of Stoke, Desborough, and Burnham. Let’s hope they don’t get away.

I’ve been wondering recently what would happen, procedurally, if an MP resigned and then stood in the by-election they caused.

Members of Parliament can’t resign from the seats, so they have to take another job that disqualifies them. For example, Boris Johnson sparked the Henley by-election by becoming Crown Steward and Bailiff of the Manor of Northstead. When an MP defects between parties, it’s often suggested that they should resign and fight a by-election to get a new mandate (not that this ever happens). So I was wondering how they could fight a new by-election if they held an office that disqualified them from sitting as an MP. Presumably, they would have to take the office, then resign it again and leave it vacant (and I’m not sure these offices are ever usually vacant). Or someone else, not an MP, would have to take over.

Tory MP David Davis is planning to quit as an MP and fight a by-election. He’ll take the Chiltern Hundreds, succeeding Tony Blair. But who will replace him? Will he resign from that office? These are important questions, folks.

Truro Lib Dem MP Matthew Taylor, once the youngest MP, is standing down to spend more time with his family. Full story on the BBC site and on Guardian Unlimited.