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Edinburgh: Day 21 Aug 25

My voice was screwed.

The combination of a low-level Fringe cold and shouting on stage most days had taken its toll and I was starting to lose the ability to speak. It’s an ability I took thoughtlessly for granted. Turns out it’s a pretty key skill when it comes to doing stand-up in Edinburgh.

Although I was croaky, the show went well and I was able to catch up with a number of friends from the audience over a pint afterwards. In an attempt to add tuberculosis to my vocal problems, I then headed down to the dankness of the Caves to see Danny Pensive. Not that I’d have got tuberculosis as I demonstrated immunity when tested at school. Take that, BCG losers.

I had three reasons for seeing Danny Pensive’s Map of Britain: he was a scream at Comedy Countdown; a friend recommended his show; and he’s a Doctor Who fan.

There are quite a few fanboys (it’s a non-gender-specific term) performing in Edinburgh. I’ve been trying to make a list – obviously, because that’s what fanboys do. And here I don’t mean people who like Doctor Who a bit; I mean people who like Doctor Who a lot. People who have the DVDs and actually watch the DVD extras. People who subscribe to Doctor Who Magazine. People who know their Sagacity from their City of Death.

So far I’ve got me and Dan from Three Man Roast (of course); John Cooper (aka Danny Pensive); Michael Legge; Tom Neenan from off of the Gentleman of Leisure (the old GOL); Andrew O’Neill; John Henry Falle from the Beta Males; Marc Burrows (from The 90s in Half an Hour); and Mitch Benn. Stuart Goldsmith and John-Luke Roberts from The Behemoth have question marks next to their names. Do grab them in the street and check. (Update: Luke Roberts – I don’t know why I doubted it. But I foolishly overlooked Colin Hoult and Tom Bell.)

Any more for any more? That list is, surprise surprise, uniformly male so far.

I’m not going to round these people up or anything. Although the Nazis probably said that too to begin with.

The evening’s entertainment was the middle show in the three-day run of the glorious Karaoke Circus. Nathan the Trombonist let me put my name down for all of the songs, as is my foolish way. It was particularly foolish on this occasion with my fading voice managing a workable singing range of around half an octave. I knocked back some Covonia and hoped for the best.

It was another marvellous night. Highlights included Robin Ince’s Two Little Boys (not a euphemism); Tim Vine’s disturbing one-piece PVC jumpsuit as Plastic Elvis; and Nadia Kamil and Joe Lycett performing Cee Lo Green’s uncensored big hit that may not be named (this is a family blog, we don’t say “fuck” here). I landed the last audience open spot.

Some of the songs would have been OK. Some of the songs didn’t have two many notes. Unfortunately, I was summoned to sing Come on Eileen. This, it turns out, has all of the notes and if your voice is a bit weak, it has the potential to sound the laryngal death knell.

I fear Eileen will have been less spurred on and more scared off.

Still, I got to show off my new Karaoke Circus t-shirt, as snapped by Isabelle:

KC Ed11 #2: Come On Eileen

What I learnt today: When you have a weak voice, rest it, you idiot.

Recommended show: Danny Pensive’s Map of Britain

Obligatory plug: I’m in Three Man Roast (★★★★ – whatsonstage.com), 2.35pm weekdays at Finnegan’s Wake on Victoria Street – free entry.

Edinburgh: Day 15 Aug 18

Not only does the Edinburgh Fringe operate in a different time zone from the rest of the country, it also bends spacetime itself. Without the anchors of news, television and office life and with the same shows running daily, it’s very easy to lose track of which day it is. And where you are. And who you are. And why.

Amused Moose flyerI’ve had to remind myself what I did yesterday by looking at my calendar. I may have left my brain on the Royal Mile. Right now, it’s probably being juggled with an apple and a football to an audience of intense indifference.

After our show (nice once again), I hotfooted it over to the Pleasance Dome to do the Amused Moose Comedy Awards Showcase. After two weeks of doing a long set almost daily, it was a bit weird going back to a tight five minutes, but it was nice to get the chance to see a range of other stand-ups I’d never seen before, including Zoe Lyons, Sy Thomas and BBC New Comedy Award winner Angela Barnes.

The main event of the day was another one-off (ish) event: the Alternative Comedy Memorial Society. Hosted and curated by John-Luke Roberts and Thom Tuck, it was a entertainingly random as that combination suggests.

Redacted ScrabbleHighlights included Tom Bell’s interrupted storytelling, Marcel Lucont morphing into Alexis Dubus, Isy Suttie’s bizarre songs, Joe Lycett’s rubbish American comedian John Roast, and the unique Tony Law. Meanwhile, Michael and I were provided with a redacted Scrabble set for additional entertainment during the evening.

Oh! Wait! I have forgotten something important. Something that happened right at the beginning of the day.

This from whatsonstage.com:

Though I had uncertainty as to whether this show would be an extremely diminished reinterpretation of a Dean Martin event, or some kind of bizarre Hugh Fearnly-Whittingstall-esque feat of comedic contortionism – Three Man Roast turns out to be an extremely solid compendium of nerd-centric standup by Alex Holland, Will Howells and Dan McKee.

We are now officially a four-star show. w00t!

What I learnt today: The ASCII code for a star is 9733. As in ★★★★

Recommended show: The Alternative Comedy Memorial Society at 11pm on Tuesday 23rd August.

Obligatory plug: I’m in Three Man Roast, 2.35pm weekdays and Saturday 20th at Finnegan’s Wake on Victoria Street – free entry. Also at Tricity Vogue’s Ukulele Cabaret at 9pm on Sunday 21st at The Three Sisters (that’s free entry too).

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Edinburgh: Day 9 Aug 12

My left side still hurts.

In his Walter Raleigh show on Wednesday night, Michael Legge talked about everyone having a “Fringe moment”, the defining incident of their three weeks up here. I might have had mine last night. But more on that story later.

Three Man Roast was a joy from start to finish. We could tell when the lovely audience laughed almost before Alex had opened his mouth (and not at his face) that it was going to be a good one. They were completely on our wavelength to the point that one man shouted out a grammar correction (brilliant) and if I’d genuinely been setting up a Pedants’ Revolt, he’d have put his name down there and then.

Our first review has given us three stars, so we are officially “good”. Good.

In the evening, I made a return to Tricity Vogue’s Ukulele Cabaret and fumbled my way through a couple of songs. Despite losing points from one judge in the Uke of Edinburgh Awards for my lack of technical prowess (expecting someone at a ukulele night to be able to play the ukulele well is surely harsh), I was very pleased how the songs went down, and especially how many people bought into the dolphins song. Delightful musical comedy geek Helen Arney was the deserving winner, albeit cheating by using “skill” and “talent”.

But day 9 was a day of highs and lows. Unfortunately this was in a literal sense, with a physical low coming all too quickly after a physical high.

I fell over.

I fall over every now and again. I’m uncoordinated (see “Ukulele (playing)”). As a result, I notice when it happens – the basic symptoms are loss of balance and the ground rushing towards me – and I instinctively react to protect my precious, precious brain.

Which is a good thing because this was quite a fall. It wasn’t a trip, although that’s how it started. There were large steps, some almost flying, a knocked over table and eight or nine feet difference in altitude between where I began and the floor where I ended up.

My main concern was to hope that no-one had noticed but this was in the busy Pleasance Dome and it turns out that when you fly past people on an uncomfortable downward trajectory, even the most nonchalant of evening drinkers will take an interest.

Performers who looked half my age kindly crowded round to check I was OK. I pulled myself to my feet as one of them sensibly encouraged me to stay on the ground for a bit. Another man picked up my glasses and returned them to me; I hadn’t even noticed they’d fallen off.

I brushed myself down, looked at the concerned faces all around me and said: “Well, this is the biggest audience I’ve played to so far.”

Always on. Always on.

One guy asked if I’d be handing flyers out. In retrospect, I should’ve done, and then entered myself for the Malcolm Hardee Cunning Stunt Award for best Edinburgh Fringe publicity stunt. I’d probably have needed a few broken bones to win though.

I thanked the gentle younglings for their help, went round checking that I didn’t need to replace anyone’s drink (no drinks knocked over – 10 points to me) and then sheepishly ran away to Brooke’s Bar to hide my shame, to rest my painful left side, and, obviously, to tell everyone who’d listen about my awesome clumsiness.

Oh, and to win a game of pool, which, yes, has to be my defining Fringe moment.

What I learnt today: The best slapstick comedy hurts.

Recommended shows: The Blue Lady Sings Back

Obligatory plug: I’m in Three Man Roast, 2.35pm weekdays and Saturday 20th at Finnegan’s Wake on Victoria Street – free entry. Also at the Amused Moose Comedy Awards Showcase at the Pleasance Dome, 4pm on August 17th (book online).

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Edinburgh: Day 8 Aug 11

Day 8 was not one of the best.

For the first time, our gig was a bit flat and I wasn’t sure why. I moved a couple of jokes earlier in my set to try something out but it was hard to judge from the quiet crowd whether that was an improvement or not. And just to add further confusion, one line we’d talked about rewriting suddenly got a good laugh. We consoled ourselves that one slightly weaker gig out of five so far is an all right hit-rate.

I went to the gym to blow the cobwebs away a bit and ended up with blisters on my toes and lost a button from my cardigan.

It rained and rained and rained.

On the positive side, I went along to see my mate James W Smith in his first solo show, Living in Syntax. The audience there clearly enjoyed it and it deserves more of them, as befits any show that features Latin poetry and a game of Boggle. 6.10pm daily at the Royal Mile Tavern, and it’s free.

Last stop of the day was to see Michael Legge‘s Curse Sir Walter Raleigh, which was the best stand-up show I’ve seen here so far. Michael spends an hour with no microphone shouting funny things from his mournful teddy bear face on the subject of good and bad manners. It’s hilarious and also features a Doctor Who joke, which is always a bonus, but there’s is only one more show remaining.

And outside, it continued to rain.

Got back to my room with a stinking headache which I realised was my own fault for not rehydrating properly after the gym. Made an emergency trip through the lakes on South Bridge to Tesco and then popped a couple of Nurofen and went to bed.

Sleep. Blessed, endangered sleep.

What I learnt today: It is important to drink water when exercising, you idiot.

Recommended shows: Michael Legge: Curse Sir Walter Raleigh

Obligatory plug: I’m in Three Man Roast, 2.35pm weekdays and Saturday 20th at Finnegan’s Wake on Victoria Street – free entry. Also at the Amused Moose Comedy Awards Showcase at the Pleasance Dome, 4pm on August 17th (book online).

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